You've Got Mail.
Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. DELETE. REPORT SPAM, *repeat*
So begins my day.
Regardless of spam-blockers and virus protection. I am constantly amazed at how much free advice and offers to help meet my needs, manages to arrive at my e-mail account, each day. Amazingly- 99% of it is garbage. From Sexual intimacy issues, to build your credit, or work from home....it arrives every day. As though internet elves click "send" all night long.
AOL (although I hear it's true with other serves- too;) never ceases to amaze me- e-mails from (and to) friends are dissolved in cyber-space, like sugar in a kool-aid pitcher. But, ViAGRa ads? and CIali*s ads? They arrive (creatively spelled to avoid the spam blocker-or maybe it's the whole language method of teaching writing, at work ;) with the regularity that only Ex-Lax can bring.
Once in a while, I am surprised. Once in a while, something arrives that seems to come, not from internet elves, but quite possibly from God. (Well- in a round about way- no worries- I'm not seeing e-mails from addresses like "Thus saith the Lord" Or "The Great I am")
Over the last few days- there have been a flurry of e-mails in regards to the Team Blog I've been writing for, for a number of months. It is closing down. I received the first e-mail, the night I arrived back from MOPS Convention. I had arrived home, full of excitement, over a project I had received both encouragement and direction on, at convention.
A writing project. One I've been kicking around in my heart for a while, now. But- have been too busy and too afraid to pursue.
The Team blog, has been a great and safe place to practice writing. I was thrilled to be chosen, and honored to participate. But- now- that season is over. A new season is beginning. In my in-box today- (aside from the typical spam) was an e-mail asking me to participate in an upcoming project. Just when I was thinking God had closed a door- He opens a window- gotta love that.
I'll be posting more details later--- but for now- I'll just say- I am going to have a place to share devotional experiences online, and I'll be working on another big project- that may or may not become anything of consequence, a project over which, I feel both excitement and fear.
I have been praying and asking God for clear direction in a number of areas for so long. I started to wonder if He'd ever end His silence. I've opened my "Magic Bible" countless times- and read scriptures--- trying to see if there was a hidden message for me.... "TRACEY, do this. Or "Tracey, Do that." Honestly, unless God wanted me to walk on water, part a sea, bring dry bones back to life, feed sheep, or start sacrificing lambs... I wasn't finding anything that was clear.
Sorry? What's that? You're confused by my Magic Bible? Oh, you may not be familiar with "Tracey's Magic Bible method of finding God's direction" Let me explain. Well, you open your bible to a random page, then try to read into it- or apply it- to the deepest questions in your heart. When it's me- I sometimes, do this with total disregard of the context or intent.
Don't get me wrong- I absolutely believe in God's speaking and leading... I'm just saying- you gotta be careful, here! There have been God speaks in spite of my method of listening.... but- not so much lately. He's been pretty quiet. Or maybe, He has just been a little redundant. I keep asking the same question, and He keeps answering, just not the question I had asked.
And then, He's quiet. And I just sit there. Listening. Waiting.
Sometimes, God is like that, He wants us to just spend time with Him. (well- He always wants THAT;) What I mean is: He just wants us to just spend time with Him, without an agenda- and without looking for answer. Just curled up in his lap, head resting on His chest, listening to his heart beat. Sometimes it's just the "being with Him" that calms us, and prepares us for the answer to come. Kind of like this: (although Noah is considerably cuter;)
Noah had landed in Daddy's lap- after hurting his hand, while we were camping. (Squashed it in the door, actually- OUCH.) I remember he kept crying "Daddy, when will it stop hurting? I don't want to go to the doctor!" Daddy knew, that if he just held Noah, in a while, he'd feel better. So that's what Daddy did.
The questions were rhetorical. Eventually- all the tears were gone, the questions grew quiet, and the little man, rested. On his daddy's lap. It was almost holy. It wasn't the answers to his questions, that Noah had actually needed, it was the cuddle. When he woke up from his cuddle/ nap? Off he went. Back to his adventures.
I get the feeling, that God knows I tend to be like Noah. He knows- that if He answers me, right away---(or makes the pain go away- too quickly) I may get down from His lap, and go off on my own, to "do my calling", or continue my play. Just like Noah. Well, cause I'm like that, I suppose.
Over the past months- I've been curled up. Listening. Waiting. I knew eventually, He'd answer- I was just expecting the answer to take a different form. Like maybe my living room wall would suddenly become etched by the hand of God, with words that would make His plan unmistakeable. Or, I'd hear an audible voice, maybe even one that soubded like Charlton Heston,calling my name and answering my questions, or something else, phenomenal like that.
Instead, He chose to send me to MOPS Convention, where my "job" was to teach and to serve others. But, He spoke to me, too. Then, a few e-mails arrived in my in-box---- a place where- outside of a few precious e-mails from friends- I usually find garbage.
I can't help- but laugh. Just about the time I had fallen asleep resting in His lap- an answer came. One that was different from my expectations.
So, what about you? Where are you at today? Do you have clear direction, in your life? Are you searching through your "magic bible" hoping to find answers? Are you listening, but ignoring the answer? Are you ignoring the answer that's in your "in-box" because- well because you're used to finding spam and other garbage there?
Sorry- I don't have answers for you, but I know who's lap is available for a cuddle, and is ready to hold you until you can stop crying long enough to hear what He has to say...
Dear Lord Jesus- There are so many things that we need your direction for- jobs, relationships- calling and ministry, I pray that anyone stopping by today- would climb up into your lap and have a cuddle- asking the questions until we can finally rest- then maybe - just maybe be ready to hear the answer- I love you Lord- and ask for courage to follow where ever you lead. amen!