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Friday, March 07, 2008

Dirty Microwave, Bane of my Existence. Leech of my Time.

The dirty beast crouched in the corner. The brave and well armed Knight-ess of clean, raised her bottle of Windex in what could only be percieved as an act of war. The beast growled, for a moment- a strange glow emanated from the dark gape that could be it's mouth. A beep sounded. The Knight-ess wondered if it was an alarm, understood only by like-beasts, calling for help. Glancing to her right and left- she saw no beasts coming to it's aid. A ruse. She saw right through it.

Undaunted, the shining Knight-ess thrust her paper- towel lance forward. The "SQUEAK" of wet toweling on plastic, metal and glass deafening. Her arm shook with effort. Sweat stood out on her brow. Just when she thought her battle was won, the beast, with new-found dirt (hiding in the not so wonderful too clean, grilling element) struck back. What she thought was clean- alas, was speckled with dried Spaghettio's and tomato soup. Withdrawing her arm, she bumped the glass, leaving a smudge of sweat and (quite possibly) tears. The beasts haunting , blue-green blinking (12:00) eyes glared at her in an assumption of victory.

The Knight-ess dug deep into her soul... with a mighty cry of "Tonight, we dine in CLEAN!" She deftly swiped at the dirt. One. More. Squirt. And the deed, was done. In place of a beast stood a shining clean appliance.

The Evil Microwave was defeated. Clean ruled the kitchen once more. (well- most of it) All hail the Knight-ess! Huzzah! Hoorah! The Knight-ess soon found herself surrounded by a cheering crowd. (wouldn't that be nice?... especially when I clean the floor around the toilet--- I deserve it!)

That night-along with the King and Princes of her beloved home, she not only dined in clean... she dined OUT.

THE END.

Why hasn't anyone invented a self- cleaning microwave??? When I bought this new microwave- I had no idea what trouble would lie in wait. The heating element is a pain to clean around. But- at $50.... I'll put up with it for a while.... it will eventually die of old age- and then.... THEN my friends- I will find the perfect kitchen appliance. (However, with my luck... this microwave will live forever, out of spite. No worries- this Knight-ess of clean (clean enough that is) is capable of leaving a spoon into a cup of tea and reheating it until it either: A) causes a nuclear meltdown- thus destroying the evil microwave or B) Scares everyone in the house with sparking and noise enough to warrant a replacement for breach of trust.

I need to get out more. 'Nuff said.

Please note- I am fully aware that I could have cleaned every Microwave in Michigan in the time it took to post this....but this, my friends, is considerably more therapeutic.

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