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Saturday, May 20, 2006

Loving Assumptions


Missional Mom- Loving their Dad.

I'm a married Mom. After loving God, my next greatest gift to my kids... is loving their Dad.

Funny thing about that. I KNOW what makes me feel loved, but that Man? Hmmmm... the same things don't work for him. I learned that the hard way. (What else is new?)

One of our first "marital issues" involved Chicken and Dumplings. See, everything in my Italian guts, tells me, food is a great way to show love. So, I spent an afternoon, simmering a whole fresh chicken. Then hours letting it cool. Then, probably close to an hour de-boning that bird.

The next day, I simmered the seasoned and soooo tender meat with fresh herbs, added fresh veggies- and made the sauce. Then- as a crowning touch.... perfect homemade dumplings were steamed on top. (Are ya hungry yet?) Pretty flecks of parsley through-out the light and fluffy dumplings.

Everything was perfect. I set the table. Candles. Our "Good china"... (Newlyweds.. we were so cute;) He arrived home, loved the scent. Then, he sat down, and ate like 5 bites. (THAT is not normal... My man's an eater)

A few hours later, he asked of I was hungry... cause he was going to pick-up some burgers.

BURGERS???

after a dinner that took me 2 days to cook? I was furious. I stormed, I pouted. I let him have it.

But here's the thing. My ASSUMPTION was, that he liked chicken and dumplings. (Of course he must, I DO doesn't EVERYONE????) He didn't. He still doesn't.

I was trying to LOVE him, in a way he didn't even care about. (actually, in a way he didn't even like.)When I look at my mission as a Mom and a wife, I know I only have so much time. I am No Wonder Woman. I can only do so much. It's important not to waste time and effort- (both emotional and physical) on making chicken and dumplings for a husband who likes steak and potatoes. Or, roast. He loves roast. ;)

Besides, how loving is it really, to do for someone, what I would want, not what they would want? I don't make chicken n dumplings much anymore. Once in a GREAT while I will, but if anyone wants burgers after I have- it's really no big deal. Because, if I make it now, it's for those in our family who like it.

Well- either that or I order it at Cracker Barrel. (though- their dumplings aren't as good as mine- toooo heavy)

I've also been known- to try to keep a perfectly clean house--- as an act of love- for a guy who really couldn't care less. Trust me, that's a waste.

Truth is, My husband is a lover of verbal affirmations. Especially public ones. So, I try to IM him, email him, post sweet things in my blog, that speaks love to him. THOSE are things that matter to him. He's also a touchy- love person. I need to communicate love to him in that way.

Why bother with stuff that doesn't WORK?????

How about you? Are there ways that you're trying to communicate love, in a way that doesn't work?

To your spouse?

To your kids?

To your friends?

Here's a suggestion..... if you want to express love, before you start a 2 day project, and make yourself NUTS. How about asking... "hey.. babe---- do you like Chicken and Dumplings?" Or- better yet--- "hey- is there something I can do that really makes you feel loved?????

At MOPS (http://mops.org/) we've used a book as a resource- to help open dialogue, both in marriages, and with our kids...(and our friends- too) in order to be more effective at showing our love- for each other.......

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

It might be something to check out.... unless you really LIKE eating an entire pot of Chicken and Dumplings, ALONE. With an audience of Burger eaters. ;)

Dear Lord- Time is short, I am busy, and I LOVE my family and friends, please help me to be creative and effective in the ways that I show Love- for them, but also to honor you, I love you Lord amen.

PS the pic??? my guys in the middle. ;)

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