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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Sleeping Ninja, Crouching Mom

10:55 p.m. - Arrange covers, 5 year old and dog on bed. Tell everyone to SHUSH. Turn out all but reading light. Wait for the soft tell tale snoring sounds to emanate from the bed. (they are the dog- not the boy.)

11:18 p.m. - Turn out light. try to re-arrange covers after using feet and legs like a lever to move hefty beagle.

12:02 a.m. - Wiggle lower in the bed to attempt to cover shoulders. Notice 5 year old laying sidewise in bed, decide not to risk waking him by moving.

12:42 a.m.- Move to outer third of bed- recognizing that size does not determine need for space.

1:15 a.m.: Wriggle, wriggle, scootch, scootch. Hope that arm dangling from bed may provide a counter-weight and keep you from falling out altogether.

1:53 a.m. Sense presense on edge of bed. Tell myself not to freak. Open eyes. See glowing cat eyes staring back at me. Carefully, push cat from bed. When cat whines. Blame dog. (a Mom's gotta have boundaries.)

2:08 a.m.: Shuffle, shuffle. SHOVE. SHOVE. Move dog and child. Pull up covers to not quite shoulders, turn over, close eyes.

2:49 a.m.- Feel a small foot kick Ninja style into the small of my back. Flip child over and tuck very tightly into blankets. Consider getting up to search for pajama's with straight-jacket arms and leg shackles online....

3:03 a.m.- Wake up realizing my arm has fallen asleep because of the strange contortions I must make to stay on the bed. Decide sleep is worth loss of blood-flow. Go back to sleep.

3:27 a.m. : Dream I smell feet.

3:27 and 15 seconds a.m.: Realize it's not a dream.

3:28 a.m. : Realize that I smell feet, because feet are in my face. Turn over. Plan on having Ninja child wear socks to bed tomorrow. (Somehow, a bath never seems to solve stinky foot boy problem)

4:04 a.m.: Smell something worse than feet. Realize the Beagle's breath smells like....... something worse than feet. Push beagle to foot of the bed. In sleep deprived state, apologize to dog for making her move.

4:51 a.m. Pray for alarm to ring.........

You would think, that when the husband travels- I could at least enjoy the extra space in the bed. Not so. When Daddy is gone- everyone vies for his spot. The dog. The child. And- this week, the cat. I keep thinking I'll get a bigger bed- so that the night time visitors will have more room, but I know the truth. They will conquer any space available.

Tonight... everyone is in their own bed.... (I swear!) at least until they wake up to pee... or hear a noise... or are lonely.....or cold..... or can't find a stuffed toy....

Then, it will be me- Crouching Mom on the edge of the bed- while Sleeping Ninja Boy and his beloved sidekick: Bad Breath Beagle battle me until the sun rises.

I can't wait for the Daddy to return... at least he is big and keeps the Ninja and his sidekick limited in space.....besides... He's quite a nice place to warm my feet;)

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