Recently- a friend posted an entry
"Life is about Change"
She's right.
Funny thing about change- I have a knack for denying it.
I got skills.
My middle son, will be graduating for 8th grade Wednesday. It marks yet another change for our family- there will now be 2 highschoolers at our house.
It still feels like they are my "babies".... they are sooooo NOT. I am still cramming my 6ft tall 200+ pound boy into the back seat of my mini suv.
Denial. I've taken denial to a whole new level.
A few years ago- I took one of my sons to the ER.... because his face had this strange rash....I was sure it was hand foot and mouth or something- communicable.
The doctor pulled me aside- "It's puberty"
"Oh crap- that's not communicable--- it's terminal!" I actually thought.
Denial can become a skill- even an artform. Sometimes I knit, somtimes I spin, sometimes I work masterpieces in denial. This is just one of them.
"Maybe if I don't think about it it will go away. " I think..
It doesn't.
My kids are growing up. I want them to, mostly.
They are changing, I want them to, mostly.
When I was pregnant- I remember- thinking- "I like kids who can talk- I'm afraid of babies... I don't know if I can handle that.."
Then I had babies- and I loved it.
I remember thinking, "babies are great- until they start getting into things.. I don't know if I can handle that.."
Then they did- and I loved them all the more.
I remember thinking- "There's no way I can handle them being in school" And we enjoyed it.
I remember thinking "There's no way I can handle teens" and- honestly- I love it. My guys are wonderful. I LIKE them. I LIKE who they are each one is sooo different- and loved.
I guess- although I still struggle with denial- I've learned to trust- that we can do anything- together- even puberty- highschool- eventually college- jobs- marriage....I'll be a mother in law.
Oh my word that's scary. But- you know what? It'll be fun.
I've loved every part of my kids development.
Now- i see my little denial sidetrips as funny. Cute in a way- they don't last long. They can't-- all I have to do is look around. Well- unless I look around and interpret puberty as a rash.
Trust me- that's just embarrassing.
Especially when you've worked with kids- and are passionate about child development- and have taught parenting seminars!!!!!
The reality- is change isn't bad. Well- not all change. But- most of it comes with it's own forms of grief- we grieve losses- big and small.... moving- changes in relationships, changes in work, etc. Even good changes provoke some sense of the loss of what WAS.
But they also bring the HOPE of what is to be.
It's true- we're embarking on a new adventure- one in high-school--- but the reality is- the adventures we've had in the past have prepared us for this one too.
Another funny thing about- me--- while being skilled at denial--- I still have a love for adventure. People, cultures- experiences, travel.... it's all adventure to me. I'm trying to keep that perspective with my kids---
well- MOSTLY.
So- Wednesday- I'll be crying at my kids 8th grade graduation.
I'll grieve- a little... and I'll start wondering what God has next for him, for all of us.
Around here- lifes' always and adventure.
Dear Lord- I love my guys- and thank you for entrusting them into my care--- I pray that you prepare us for our next adventures- please help us learn to navigate all the changes that life brings- and to do it in a way that honors you- I love you Lord- amen
