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Wednesday, April 02, 2008

On Spring Teases and the Biodegradability of Dog Poo (Or lack thereof)

The sump pump is running and my allergies are in full, sinus attacking bloom. It would seem that Spring is attempting to Sprung. (sprang? spring? Whatever.)

However- I'm not yet convinced that it's here to stay. I am jaded. I do not trust Spring. I live in a land where Spring likes to tease. Spring arrives for an hour or two in the morning-- all sunshine and green...and then flees to somewhere that the snow has abandoned, by noon. One day it's 60 degrees and sunny, the next day, we get a dumping of 4 inches of snow. The chances of a thunderstorm and a snowstorm are about equal in any given day. In Michigan, Spring is more of an "in the moment" thing than an actual "Season."

Spring, is also attacking Mothers. It's doing it's best to make us look bad. We promise a park trip and the weather immediately turns sour. We plan an indoor activity... and the sun pops out and demands attention. If it snows and I make my kids shovel... the rest of the snow will melt by noon. (Which I did last week--- and will never hear the end of.) If I don't make them shovel... the snow will solidify into a mass of dirty ice that could only be compared to the driveway's attempting to turn into a comet--- and my kids will slip on the way to the bus stop. Of course... they will then say: " Can I sue my parent for a slip and fall accident?" and: "You said it would melt, mom." To which I offer the lame: "I guess, I lied."

As of today- the snow is nearly all gone. The sun is shining in my backyard, I grabbed a cup of coffee and joined the cat in front of the doorwall to soak up the sunshiney goodness through the glass. Once my eyes adjusted to the brilliant light.. (takes a while after the long winter here in Michigan...) I noticed the dog poo. Perfectly piled little gifts our beagle has been leaving us all winter long---like left over Easter eggs found in July, they are not a welcome surprise.

What I do not understand, is this: A winters' worth of garbage that blew through the yard, is gone. The papers and bits of plastic that blew out of frozen garbage cans before they could be emptied into the truck...are all gone, blown away by the Spring breezes (read: near gale force winds) or somehow melted away with the snow. The left over fall leaves have disappeared, becoming one with the grass, as they should. The yard looks pretty good aside form the mud, until you look closely, thats when you'll notice the poo.

Perfectly preserved little piles, dotting the yard. The one thing that is naturally biodegradable (it's already halfway there- for pete's sake, it's been digested!) remains. The poo piles. WHY does dog poo- not biodegrade? Why does it last through snow and ice and rain and sun and global warming and global cooling and sleet and hail all seemingly, un-changed? I don't get it.

I have no answers. I have no spiritual analogy... only preserved piles of poo. And the task of assigning my sons to clean them up.... which they are already arguing about. They have offered munerous suggestions in regards to the poo:

1) Leave it until the "Lawn guy" comes and the mower will turn it to mulch.. (Ummm no- that's a good way to lose a lawn guy)

2) Let's call it a science experiment and see what happens to it. If we document it carefully maybe it will someday win us a Nobel Prize.

3) The grass will grow and cover it.... (It will... until one summer day we turn on the sprinkler, instantly re-constituting the poo-piles into slippery death traps...which will of course be the day the youngest want to run through the sprinkler...)

4) Haz-mat? (Ummm a possibility)

5) Can we move? (a thought to consider...)

A final thought.... there MUST be some chemical or industrial application for this (seemingly) indestructible and renewable (daily) resource.... cars running on dog poo? Roofing made of dog poo? Bricks made of dog poo? I don't know....if only I could come up with something....and patent it... and sell it.... then I'd be able to pay the "poo patrol" to come and take care of it for me.....*sigh*.

Until then.... I'll knit.... in front of the doorwall basking in the pseudo-Spring sun, with the cat.... our eyes on the sunny-blue sky... not the ground...the ultimate in poo -pile denial;)

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