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Monday, November 19, 2007

Hazards of Clearance Shopping. A Cautionary tale.

"Mommy- your eyes look fat" At least this time he wasn't talking about my butt being boinky.

The boy is right. I have to squint to see the screen as I type. (OK- I have to squint to see my fingers... since I'm the queen of hunt and peck typing;) It's not a problem with my glasses. My prescription hasn't changed in years. It's not a problem with the computer. It's a problem with my eyes. They are swollen, burning, itchy and puffy. Not a good look. (I am however- amazed at the body's ability to shape shift beyond recognition.)

This weekend I succombed to yet another clearance shopping hazard. This time it was way discounted make-up. Discounted enough to make me try a brand that I haven't bought before. Hence the allergic reaction that has left me with more bags around my eyes than I have in my closet... (I tend to collect bags- what can I say?) Bring on the hydrocortisone/ benadryl cocktail. Could I get that in an IV drip, please?

This would be fine, if it were a first offense of poor clearance- risk management. Alas- it was not. I am a repeat offender.

Other hazards I've encountered:

1) Clearance hairdye that resulted in purple hair. (Fine if that's what you want- but let's just say my kids wanted to take me in for show n tell- the purple haired mom- a classic) Also clearance hairdye that resulted in jet black hair- but I kind of like the snow-white thing;)

2) Clearance Christmas gifts- OOPS- two left gloves. Not good unless you're family has a birth defect of this type. Gift recipients are rarely impressed with my skill at getting more for my gift budget.

3) Countless pair of clearance shoes that are either- "not quite" the right size- two different sizes or two left- or two right shoes.... The worst part? These are most often purchased for the mister.....which means my shame is public. EVERY time! (One would think I could learn to double check... but I tend to be blinded not just by allergy swollen eyes- but also by the words "Clearance" and "final Markdown"

4) Clearance clothes that I MIGHT fit into... (this could go either way- too big or too small. When I went to MOPS convention- I had to wear black dress pants- I found a pair I liked- ON CLEARANCE and bought without trying on---they were 3 sizes bigger than I normally wear- I thought they'd work. They did not. They were clown pants.)

5) Clearance name brand bags in colors that are pretty in nature- but not so much in clothing. (In other words- I cannot bring my matchy-matchy self to carry them- even IF they were a GREAT deal.)

We will not discuss my many sins of clearance purchases for my kids clothes. Suffice to say teenaged boys do not like "past season" .

Safe clearance items?

Yarn.

thats' about it;)

Oh my word. I just thought of something- what if it wasn't the new makeup- what if I'm allergic to knitting?

hydrocortisone infused candles to burn? Benadryl laced chocolate? Coffee benadryl martini? (I don't actually drink-(Dad's a recovering addict) that's as close as I'd get to a martini;) Mask gloves and goggles?

I better go lay down. I think I'll ice my face.

Sister clearance shoppers- be careful out there. Those deals can be brutal.

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