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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Stitches, right and wrong

I'm having eye trouble. I must be. Or maybe, it's visual processing issues.... Maybe I should call the doctor..an opthamologist maybe? Maybe I should try Lasik... but, I'm not sure any medical intervention can help. The problem seems to be more systemic than just a visual one.

See the beautiful purple sock in progress? The intricate twisting of the stitches? The socks are the "Oak Leaf Socks" from the online magazine "knotions". It's a beautiful pattern. It's a beautiful yarn. (Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock in Blackberry) .. I should love them... but I can't seem to see them as others do.

When I look at them.. I mainly see the mistakes. It's almost like they have been highlighted, or circled in red ink. There are probably thousands of stitches already in this sock. and to be honest a very small few in comparison are incorrect. Yet- to me they stand out. BOLD. Instead of seeing the thousands of RIGHT stitches.. I focus on the ten's (maybe) of wrong ones. I nearly ripped them out to start over.

Instead, I put it on my foot, not because I wanted to- but because some wise soul suggested, that before I rip them out, I should put them on and have another look. I was shocked. From that distance, from that angle- I could suddenly see the pattern. IT WAS THERE afterall! Sure, the mis-crossed stitches were still there... but the overall pattern, now caught my eye.

There is something bigger in this pair of socks than a few crossed stitches. There is my ability to choose to gain perspective on my mistakes, and allow my eyes to be refocused. To see the bigger picture. In life- this is not always my first instinct- not towards myself- or towards others. My instinct is to be critical, and allow the few mistakes to distort my view of both myself and others. Sometimes this is wise and necessary.And sometimes, I "rip" a perfectly good person (most often myself) because all I focus on is faults or mis-crossed stitches.

My eyes may have issues.... but it isn't a doctor I think I need... I think it's a change of perspective.... and the only way MY perspective is changed, is through the one who always sees things with truth and grace. I think I'll be asking Him for help.
"Dear Lord, my critical eye is not hidden from you, both it's strengths and it's weakenesses. I ask you to help me gain perspective.. to focus on the right stitches and not the mis crossed ones...both in myself and those around me. I ask for your wisdom and for your grace to permeate my heart and then my world--- I love you lord- amen."

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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

While.....

If there is a theme around here, it's WHILE.

While I Wait. While I Work, and In a While.... (sidenote- if you type "while" enough it starts to look like you spelled it wrong:).

We're still in a waiting period.. but not frozen in mid air. There is much to do while waiting. There is coping.. There is working, there is waiting. For coping-- I have prayer- reading, spinning, knitting and people. For working--- I have 3 kids 2 cats, a beagle and the Dh.. they are, as always, keeping me busy:)

While I wait: I am spinning. I decided I could use my go-knits pouch (from the Loopy Ewe) to hold my fiber in process- it works GREAT! and snaps right to my wheel for outside spinning and travel and keeping the pets out of the fiber!

Also feeding people- still predominately with slow-foods:

Yesterday the boys spent an hour shelling peanuts, then we made homemade peanut butter! It was great!

Very simple- home made peanut butter:

2 cups roasted shelled salted peanuts, (skins removed)

1/3 cup oil, (peanut- but I used vegetable oil and a little less than 1/3 cup)

1/4 cup sugar.

pulse in food processor until peanut- buttery! store in fridge.

Later this week we'll be experimenting with peanut butter cups:) YUM.

As for knitting- I'm working on a pretty pattern from the new "knotions" online magazine. It's called the "Oak Leaf socks" a nice foray into twisted stitches, for me. I'm learning a lot and should improve by the time I am ready for the second sock! (assuming there is to be a second sock:)

The sock blocker is from the loopy ewe- just in case anyone is curious:) The yarn is Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock in Blackberry.

I'm knitting them on US size 1, Knitpick Harmony DPN.s

So thats what I'm doing---- WHILING away the summer---- While I wait.. While I work and in a while...

How bout you?

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Saturday, August 09, 2008

In Mid Air....



When I blogged THIS a few weeks back, ... I had no idea how appropo' it would soon be. Funny, how that works sometimes:)

I recently took a few "nose plugged, jumps" in my life (ok- some were more like being pushed off the edge of a waterfall.. but, same effect;) I took a few risks, I made a few changes and a few decisions. I closed my eyes, I plugged my nose...jumped... and now? I am hanging in mid-air, waiting to land.

At the waterfall, the payoff was immediate. I plugged my nose, closed my eyes and I felt the rushing water on my toes before my brain registered that I had actually jumped. This time? Not so much. This time? I'm starting to wonder if I'll be able to hold my breath long enough to survive the jump. I don't so much like waiting.

Am I really concerned about surviving? No. Not really. This isn't survival type of leaps.. but I sure am concerned about my comfort upon landing:) For now--- I don't so much like the waiting. It FEELS like I may not make it.. it FEELS like the jump is endless... but, I know it isn't. It's temporary. In the big picture of my life .. this waiting to land will be like the waterfall jump caught in the picture.. a moment in time. Emotional, exciting, risky even maybe pivotal ..and also, eventually, OVER.

My oldest snapped this picture at the waterfall, while I was mid jump. Once I get past the pudgey mom-bod and the unflattering shot, I see something that resonates with where I am now. There is something about the attempt to self protect that is in my plugged nose... something about the closed eyes trying not to see what I'm doing.. and something about the arms and legs flailing about trying to steady myself in the air... it almost makes me laugh. Almost. Because I feel like if you could take a picture of my right now--- and capture my emotions--- I'd look about the same.

My arms and legs are flailing around trying to steady myself with possible plans a, b, and c... my eyes are closed in a lil denial of fear once in a while.. and my nose is plugged to keep out the water of worry that sometimes floods my mind. And, I am waiting to land.

In the picture at the falls- I see a woman exercising faith. Sure- faith based on experience of watching other jump safely--- sure- faith based on taking an exploratory walk around the bottom of the falls to find out where the rocks are.... Sure- faith based on the ability of my body to work the way it was designed... but still, faith.

In the picture in my mind of my current journey in mid air.. I see much of the same. A woman exercising faith. Faith is rarely clean cut and unemotional. Faith can be messy, clumsy, flailing. Faith can be strained..and stretched like a muscle. Through it all? Faith grows.

The truth about my life is this: I've been through enough rushing waterfalls of faith to know that when I jump.... I will land. When I land... I will be different. Stronger, maybe not in myself--- but in Him. Even now--- still in mid air-- I am sneaking in breaths of fresh air.. words of encouragement for people God puts in my life and from their experiences...both living people and peole I've only met in the pages of my bible. Once in a while.. I even pry open my eyes and enjoy the view of the beautiful rushing water of life...

You know--- I think I just might land... eventually :)

A few things I've been reading that have given me gulps of fresh air for the jump:

Matthew 17:20
Deut. 31: 6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified ..... for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

"Dear Lord- I know the jump I am experiencing is eventually going to end in a landing of some sort.... I know sometimes landings are hard- and painful.. I also know that you are always there to catch and comfort me. I don't know what the outcome of this jump will be--- But, I do know that where ever I land- you will be there--- and ARE here.. even in mid air. I love you- Lord, amen."

While I am waiting.... I am focusing on doing the things that give me the air I need for the jump... I'm praying.. I'm reading.. I'm knitting and spinning and spending time with my family...and in the sunshine. Once in a while-- I even sneak in a good cry in the shower:) What do YOU do when you wait? How does it help you?

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